What is the Definition of Insanity?

Do you remember IT. If not, please refer to IT's article by clicking here. For those that remember that story, you'll recall that I didn't want a cat. But Rachel did, and Santa delivered Swiffur (aka IT) against my approval. It's only been 7 months and that little move on Santa's part has set me back $500 thus far. Swiffur was neutered and declawed because in both cases, he was destroying my house. Then he got an infection in one of his paws. Cha-ching. Another $80 office visit. Yup. RACHEL'S cat is very costly so far. Thanks Santa!

Ok, so naturally, if Rachel asked me for another pet, the answer would be no. Absolutely not. I'm not Santa. Unequivocally no. And naturally, one would think that I would NOT want to embark on any more additional expenses like additional vet bills, right? It would be crazy to take on another pet, especially since we travel a lot in an RV, right? Clearly, it would be INSANE to even consider, especially when I didn't want a cat in the first place, right? It would be preposterous to let another animal into the house when we just got this kitten 7 months ago, correct? Am I right?


Well, by now you've probably guessed it. Yes, I have gone completely and utterly mad.

So here goes - Ahem- I hereby announce the arrival of the new addition to the crazy cat lady's farm. We have purchased an 8 week old Himalayan Persian kitten all in an effort to keep Swiffur company. (Again, thanks Santa. You couldn't have sprung for a friend for Swiffur?)

At this point, I want to ask you to do me a favor. Yes, I mean you. You, the person reading this blog. Please step away from your keyboard, drop your cell phone, or walk away from the library computer that you are reading this on, and call the funny farm people to come get me. I have clearly and obviously lost my mind. Maybe not in a Mel Gibson kind of way. But definitely in a Michael Jackson-has-to-have-a-monkey kind of way.

But enough about my psychosis and on to the specifics of this intrusion into what was previously my calm existence. The kitten is a girl and she doesn't have a name yet. Like Swiffur, when he didn't have a name at first, we called him "It". In that same vein, this girl kitten has been named temporarily, "She-It". (Let's pause to let that one sink in. Maybe it's best if you say it out loud, preferably with people around. She-it. Say it loudly. Scream it if you have to. SHE-IT. Now picture yourself calling the kitten. Roll play. "C'mere SHE-IT".)

(Hey, it was better than the alternative name. "Eff-her". Again, say it out loud - but make sure the kids aren't within earshot.)

She is a pedigree Blue Point Himalayan Persian. She has beautiful, husky-like blue eyes. In trying to come up with a name, I thought, what is blue? I know. Curacao, as in the blue liquor. More like blue licker. It fit, but Rachel vetoed it.

I wanted to name her N. Dust, to go with Swiffur, sticking with the dusting theme. But we would end up calling her Dusty and that seemed so common. (No offense to those that have chosen that name for their animal. It's a perfectly fine name. Just not in this house with another cat named Swiffur. It would be like having two kids: one named Reginald Ichabod III and his sister, Ann.)

Because she is mostly white with touches of gray and has sky blue eyes, we thought that a name having to do with clouds might be fitting. I did some research and looked up clouds and stumbled upon Nimbus. Since she's a girl, we thought Nimbus-elle might work. "Here, Nimbus-elle!". It's still under consideration. If she falls down the stairs one more time, I swear I'll call her that. (Props to Dianne for this one.)

When we got her home, we gave the little She-it a bath because she stunk to high heaven. After she was bathed, Rachel said, "Look Swiffur, we brought you home a lady friend." Unfortunately, Swiffur didn't take to She-it as much as we would have hoped. He attacked her a few times, pinning her to the ground, biting her. It was quite upsetting to see Swiffur, who is a very manly, studly, I-own-this-place kind of cat, attack the little 2 ounce-sized ball of fur, and being very aggressive with her. It made Rachel cry. Not the happy homecoming we had all pictured. Maybe he didn't want a lady friend. Maybe this was cruel and insensitive for us to have his testicles removed and then bring home some young thang. Guess we didn't think that through. But everything we read said to mix a boy and girl cat together and do it while they are still kittens. So that's what we did.

We separated the two and decided that this wasn't going to be love at first sight. This was going to take some coaxing. Mr. Swiffur was not happy with us at all.

Swiffur, Before She-it:

After the She-it hit the fan:

She-it wasn't happy with us either. She was happy in her smelly, cat pee house that we stole her away from. Disappointment all around.

For the last week it's been "What should we call her?" With all the creative minds working on it, the list is endless. When we're not coming up with ingenious names, we're busy locking her in a room so Swiffur doesn't rip her apart with his teeth and hind legs. I'm sure he's just playing, but she has claws and he doesn't. When she gets a good swipe in, he takes his aggression to the next level and starts kicking the she-it out of her. Then we have to separate them.

At this point, if you haven't already scrolled down to just look at the pictures, you probably want to know what She-it looks like. She's beautiful. So much so that we may not get her fixed because we may want to breed her. Her parents are registered (chocolate Persian and fire point Himalayan). Matched with the right stud cat, she would have beautiful kittens. Just look for yourself at how rich and extraordinarily gorgeous she is.

Isn't she exquisite? We thought so.

My Kaneclusion: Once Rachel leaves home to go to college, leaving me all alone, I've decided to become a crazy cat lady and this is just the beginning. Why is this my goal? Well, in my experience, cats are better than people. They don't lie to you; don't betray your trust; don't cheat on you; don't delete you off facebook (LOL). They don't talk back; don't take 1/2 hour showers; don't complain about their food. They don't expect to go to college and have you pay their tuition. And most importantly, they can't write, therefore they can't type stories about you. Yup, cats are the way to go!

My other Kaneclusion, (it's my blog, I can have more than one if I want) is that whoever said two cats are better than one was full of She-it.

Tune in next week when hopefully I have a name for Miss Thang. The above picture was taken after her bath. Hey, I'm sure you're no Julia Roberts when you get out of the shower! Here are some pictures of her:

Making herself comfortable in a plant:

If we zoom back, this is why:

In the following picture, Swiffur has her trapped in a basket (see a trend?):

A moment's rest (She-it is licking her chops):

Lindsay's Drama - By RNK

Rachel, Age 9: Mom, why is Lindsay Lohan all over the magazines? What did she do?
Me, Age 29: Nothing, now eat your dinner.
Rachel, still Age 9: Mom!

Rachel spent last week at Performance Arts camp and I discovered that she has acting skills. She has impeccable comedic timing and ended up stealing the show. Becoming an actress has now been added to the list of what she wants to be when she grows up.

Due to this new interest, I did end up explaining to her what Lindsay Lohan did and why she is in the news lately. When I finished explaining, I asked Rachel to write a synopsis of what she learned from our conversation for my blog. Here is what she wrote:

I'm sure you've all heard of Lindsay Lohan, star of the Parent Trap. But Hallie/Annie has grown up, and I have to admit, I like Lindsay better as a kid.

I've heard about what happened with Lindsay. It started with her drinking alcohol while driving. Twice. Like any other wrongdoer, the police caught her, and she got sent to jail.

The judge decided to give Lindsay another chance. Lindsay wouldn't go to jail, she'd just have to go to an alcohol education. Before I tell you what happens next, I just wanna say that if I were in Lindsay's position, I would consider myself...lucky that I'm not going to jail (but I will never be in that position). But Mom told me that drinking alcohol makes you all fuzzy-headed, so maybe that's why Lindsay did what she did.

Lindsay didn't go to the education thing, and because of that she had to go to court again. Well, she was supposed to. Lindsay was in France on the day before court in America. She 'claimed' that she lost her passport and couldn't make it in time.

I'm not sure I believe her, but maybe she really did loose her passport.

So when Lindsay got back to America, she had to go to court...again.

The judge gave her ONE MORE CHANCE.

Lindsay had to wear an anklet. And not just you're average girl anklet, it was, like an...alarming anklet. If Lindsay drank alcohol, at ALL, the anklet would send an alarm to the judge.

And guess what?

The anklet sent an alarm. Court time.

Lindsay says that she didn't drink, but nobody believed her. Technology still works, Lindsay.

So the judge simply said, "You didn't go to alcohol education, but you had excuses. You drank alcohol, and you had excuses. You didn't come to court, and you had excuses. Well, I say no more excuses. You're going to jail."

She didn't say exactly that, but that's what happened.

Now Lindsay Lohan is going to jail. It's sad that she drank while driving in the first place.

If I ever become a child star like she did, I'd rather be like, um, Raven Symone. She started off well on the Cosby Show and ended happily as Raven from That's So Raven. Nothing ever happened with her.

I'd say that the moral of this story is: Don't make things worse for yourself. Actually, there are a few morals:

1. Don't make things worse for yourself
2. Tell the truth
3. Expect to get caught when you do something you know is wrong.

And that is my Kaneclusion for Lindsay's Drama.


The above is verbatim from what she wrote. She received no guidance from me whatsoever. And it took her about 20 mintues to whip this up. In case you think that I used literary license at all, I scanned the pages she wrote and included them here.

Feel free to print this out and let your kids read it. If we start warning them at this age not to drink and drive, maybe they won't do it. I love that she came up with her own morals to the story.

My Kaneclusion: I will save this article she wrote, and when she comes stumbling home at 3:00 in the morning, drunk, I will take this out and have her read it.

Short and Sweet

I've been busy, so this one will be a short one. (The literary-challenged amongst us are hooraying in the background.)

A picture says a thousand words so I'll just post pictures of: 1) What Rachel is doing this summer and, 2) Me and the ol' ball and chain.

Scroll down if you care to see these pictures...

Rachel's Summer Reading...

Me and the Ol' Ball and Chain

My Kaneclusion: Yes, I admit it. I'm corny. BUT, I have corny friends that will laugh at this. Thank God!