Chip Off The Old Writer's Block

Sometimes I just don't feel like writing. This week was one of those times. But before you throw an all-out tantrum thinking that I've let you down, I've come up with a plan that will hopefully satisfy both my need to meet an imaginary deadline AND your insatiable need to know what is going on in my life. (Or at least that's how I picture you, Sunday nights, nestling in your bed, with your laptop on your lap, in your jammies, waiting for the new post on my blog. Am I right? Oh, tonight is a sweatpants and t-shirt night not jammies? Darn! But the other stuff was dead on, huh!)

Anyway, from time to time, when I get writer's block, I will be recruiting "Guest" writers to give their Kaneclusions. Cool idea, huh? This way, I don't have to do any of the work except post it, and you get new material to read. And if this works out, maybe I'll never have to write ever again. I'll just keep posting other people's stuff every week. I'll become a literary agent for my own blog and capitalize on other people's accomplishments. (Not that all literary agents do that. If you are a literary agent and I have submitted my work to you, I wasn't referring to you. Really.)

Of course, when Guest writers submit their ideas on my blog, they won't be called Kaneclusions. Unless their last name is Kane. Then that would be okay and would make sense. But if their name is Smith, then wouldn't it have to be Smithclusions? Hmm? Let's do this so you folks don't get confused and become loyal followers of some other blog site called Smithclusions instead (which I know you would never do). We'll keep it simple and continue to call it Kaneclusions no matter what the Guest writer's name is. Ok? Good.

It just so happens though that this week's Guest writer is...drum roll please...Rachel Kane. So it CAN be called Kaneclusions this week. Or maybe "Kaneclusions Junior" or "MiniMeClusions". Nah, just Kaneclusions. It's amazing but she has her own Kaneclusions. So I've asked her to sit down at my computer and type up a little something about her vacation week. She received no guidance from me and I am posting it exactly as she created it. No editing on my part. Then I got the idea of adding MY comments in as I read it. So, when you see anything in red italics, that is my commentary, not hers. Her submission as a Guest writer stands on its own merit. She's a remarkable writer for a 9 year old. But I thought it might be nice to do a mother/daughter article. Of course, she probably feels like Ben Stiller. Everyone knows that Jerry Stiller, Ben's father, was a comedian before Ben came along and became an actor. Everyone also knows that Ben is much more successful than his father ever was. So, before Rachel becomes more successful than me, I'm going to interject all I want.

Introducing this week's Guest Writer on My Kaneclusions...Rachel Kane. (Stop applauding. She can't see you silly! But thanks for the encouragement.) Here it is, without commentary...

I woke up on Boxing Day and played with Swiffur, my new cat, until Mom woke up. Over the whole week, Mom and I did all this really fun stuff:

1. Went to see the movie ‘Princess and the Frog’.
2. Went to see the movie ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks’.
3. Went to Bobby’s Burger Palace at the Mohegan Sun (VERY good crunchified burger)
4. Went to Cyber Quest at Mohegan Sun
5. Went to Mom’s Work.
6. Went to Ruby Tuesdays
7. Played with Swiffur
8. Watched the movie (at home) “G- force”

The movie “Princess and the Frog” was sort of good at the beginning, but when Tiana (the princess) and Naveen (the frog) meet, the movie just turns out to be dull, and definitely not worth all the publicity it got.

The movie “Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakuel” was one of the best animal movies ever created as far as I know. This movie is so unique. There are girl versions of the Chipmunks: The Chipettes. Alvin’s girl version is Brittany, Theodore’s girl version was Eleanor, and Simon’s girl version was… Olivia, I think. What I liked about the movie was that it combined school problems, and rock star problems, and that the Chipettes weren’t going to perform unless they do it together.

Bobby’s Burger Palace is one of the best burger places ever, and the fries are the best fries ever. What I really like about this restaurantis that you can get any burger crunchified, and that’s what I did. If you get a burger crunchified, it means that you order chips on the burger.

Cyber Quest is the arcade part of Kid’s Quest at the Mohegan Sun. When you get a special type of card, you can play all sorts of games and earn tokens then buy prizes! Mom and I got a card, played games, but we didn’t get any prizes. We are planning to go back another time to get more tickets, to win more prizes. Some of the games we played were Virtual Jump rope, Air Hockey and Skee Ball.

Of course, I was the only one with a vacation. Mom still had to go to work, and I had to come with her. But it wasn’t all that bad. I brought some movies, and one day a girl named Alison who is the daughter of someone else who worked there came into Mom’s office and we played together until Alison and her mom left.

We went to Ruby Tuesday’s to eat, too. It was good, but it’s really not worth talking a whole lot about right now. But let me recommend the ham squares at the salad bar. They are so good.

As you know from Mom’s last week blog, I now have a kitten named Swiffur. I was so happy to get him on Christmas, and I played a lot over break. Swiffur is very playful, cute, and cuddly when he wants to be. And when he’s not on tables,swiping or biting my hands, trying to climb up the speakers or sneaking over to the wires, Swiffur is a really good and obedient boy.

And as another movie, Mom and I rented the movie G-force and watched it together. In some parts it was funny, in some parts it was sad, and in a lot of parts it was dramatic and way too action-packed for a kid’s movie, like they advertised it as one.

So that was what Mom and I did during break. 2009 was a good year, but I’m looking forward to a great year in 2010. In 2009, the worst thing was having to put up with missing my sister and being able to do nothing about it all year. The best part was celebrating holidays with my family and having fun with friends.

Also in the past days, it has snowed maybe 5 feet in all. I don’t know about your driveway, but ours was being shoveled for the past two days (From when I’m writing this).

Christmas Eve was awesomely celebrated. Mom, Dianne, my Aunt Gloria and Uncle Chucky and I went out to eat together at the Brushmill Restaurant. It was pretty good, but the food doesn’t stick out in my mind. After the restaurant, all of us went to our house and on the way, we thought we saw Santa’s sleigh. At home, I showed my aunt and uncle the gingerbread house that I made, then the Christmas tree, and then lights out for me.

Christmas was a very fun holiday, and I was overjoyed when I ran down stairs on Christmas morning (with Mom behind me) and a bunch of presents were under the tree and cat supplies were on my couch, including a carrier. And when I opened the carrier… a silver kitten was staring up at me! Thank you, Santa Claus!

I got other awesome presents, too, like a mirror for the back of my bedroom door and the Rebecca book collection.

The End.

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Not bad for a 9 year old, huh?

OK, you know how you can watch a DVD all the way through and then watch it again with commentary? Well, here's my daughter's article, only this time with MY commentary...

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I woke up on Boxing Day and played with Swiffur, my new cat, until Mom woke up. Noonish. Over the whole week, Mom and I did all this really fun stuff:

1. Went to see the movie ‘Princess and the Frog’.
2. Went to see the movie ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks’.
3. Went to Bobby’s Burger Palace at the Mohegan Sun (VERY good crunchified burger)
4. Went to Cyber Quest at Mohegan Sun
5. Went to Mom’s Work Someone has to pay for all this entertainment.
6. Went to Ruby Tuesdays
7. Played with Swiffur
8. Watched the movie (at home) “G- force”

The movie “Princess and the Frog” was sort of good at the beginning, but when Tiana (the princess) and Naveen (the frog) meet, the movie just turns out to be dull, and definitely not worth all the publicity it got. I agree. She was much more kind than I would have been had I been reviewing this movie.

The movie “Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakuel” was one of the best animal movies ever created as far as I know. She's too young to have seen "Jaws", "Willard", "The Birds" or "Cujo" so we'll cut her some slack. This movie is so unique. There are girl versions of the Chipmunks: The Chipettes. Alvin’s girl version is Brittany, Theodore’s girl version was Eleanor, and Simon’s girl version was… Olivia, I think. What I liked about the movie was that it combined school problems, and rock star problems, and that the Chipettes weren’t going to perform unless they do it together. I'm not sure I got that much out of the movie. But when I think about it, she's right. That was what it was about.

Bobby’s Burger Palace is one of the best burger places ever, and the fries are the best fries ever. What I really like about this restaurant is that you can get any burger crunchified, and that’s what I did. If you get a burger crunchified, it means that you order chips on the burger. Ditto!

Cyber Quest is the arcade part of Kid’s Quest at the Mohegan Sun. When you get a special type of card, (magically this happens. Somehow she nevers sees me shelling out the cash) you can play all sorts of games and earn tokens then buy prizes! Mom and I got a card, played games, but we didn’t get any prizes. We are planning to go back another time (Not!) to get more tickets, to win more prizes. Yeah, like I'm going to spend another $50, to get 138,548 tickets which allows you to get a prize from the bottom row of your choice: a pencil or a Tootsie Roll pop. Only $50! Some of the games we played were Virtual Jump rope, Air Hockey and Skee Ball. She kicked my butt rope jumping and playing Skee Ball, but I dominated in Air Hockey!

Of course, I was the only one with a vacation. Mom still had to go to work, and I had to come with her. But it wasn’t all that bad. Nice to know. I brought some movies, and one day a girl named Alison who is the daughter of someone else who worked there came into Mom’s office and we played together until Alison and her mom left.

We went to Ruby Tuesday’s to eat, too. It was good, but it’s really not worth talking a whole lot about right now. But let me recommend the ham squares at the salad bar. (For Christmas dinner this year I cooked a full blown ham dinner. A Smithfield's brown sugar glazed ham! We ate leftovers all week. Then we go to Ruby Tuesday's and she fills her plate up with little cubes of canned ham and raves about it. Canned ham! The kind that has the jelly all over it! Yuck!) They (the little cubes) are so good. Next year: I'll make her Spam! (She'd probably love it.)

As you know from Mom’s last week blog, I now have a kitten named Swiffur. (No, she has not read my blog. I told her that I put it in my blog just in case any of you should slip up and tell her. Even though you all promised me to take the secret to your graves. Remember? If not, please click here to refresh your memory or to read the stories about Swiffur.) I was so happy to get him on Christmas, and I played a lot over break. Swiffur is very playful, cute, and cuddly when he wants to be. And when he’s not on tables, swiping or biting my hands, trying to climb up the speakers or sneaking over to the wires, Swiffur is a really good and obedient boy. We THINK he's a good and obedient boy. He might be a good and obedient GIRL. Which reminds me, I need to call the vet.

And as another movie, Mom and I rented the movie G-force and watched it together. In some parts it was funny, in some parts it was sad, and in a lot of parts it was dramatic and way too action-packed for a kid’s movie, like they advertised it as one. I slept through most of it, so I can't confirm whether she's right about this or not.

So that was what Mom and I did during break. 2009 was a good year, but I’m looking forward to a great year in 2010. In 2009, the worst thing was having to put up with missing my sister and being able to do nothing about it all year. The best part was celebrating holidays with my family and having fun with friends.

Also in the past days, it has snowed maybe 5 feet in all. I don’t know about your driveway, but ours was being shoveled for the past two days (From when I’m writing this). (Where does she get this bracket thing from?)

Christmas Eve was awesomely celebrated. (We got drunk.) Mom, Dianne, my Aunt Gloria and Uncle Chucky and I went out to eat together at the Brushmill Restaurant. It was pretty good, but the food doesn’t stick out in my mind. After the restaurant, all of us went to our house and on the way, we thought we saw Santa’s sleigh. (See, we "awesomely celebrated" too much.) At home, I showed my aunt and uncle the gingerbread house that I made, then the Christmas tree, and then lights out for me.

Christmas was a very fun holiday, and I was overjoyed when I ran down stairs on Christmas morning (with Mom behind me) and a bunch of presents were under the tree and cat supplies were on my couch, including a carrier. And when I opened the carrier… a silver kitten was staring up at me! Thank you, Santa Claus! Grrrrr!! I mean, yes, Thank you, Santa Claus. [Went to therapy this week and I'm working on it.] The important thing is she was overjoyed. By the way, what 9 year old says "overjoyed"?

I got other awesome presents, too, like a mirror for the back of my bedroom door and the Rebecca book collection. Now she can be overjoyed at watching herself in the mirror reading.

The End.
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Note: When Rachel was born, she was born hearing-impaired. I remember holding her in my arms and not knowing what that would mean for her. Would she learn how to talk? Read? Write? As a music lover, I wept for a week at the thought that she may never hear music. This is a very long story so I'll save it for another blog. But I just wanted to note here that everything that Rachel does and accomplishes is remarkable to me. She's 9 years old and there is NOTHING she can't do. I'm so very proud of her, like Mr. Holland is proud of his deaf son Cole in Mr. Holland's Opus. If you've never seen the movie, here is a clip of Richard Dreyfus who plays Mr. Holland, singing one of my favorite John Lennon tunes, to his deaf son:

My Kaneclusion: It takes me 2-3 days to write an article for my blog. It took my daughter about 20 minutes to whip this up. And all for just a handful of M&Ms! What a child! She's my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl.